Many false dawns...

     I have written one or two blogs in the past with various degrees of success. My first was “Musing of Murphyfish” which had quite a following, especially it seemed from across ‘the pond’. But, as depression gained a stronger hold upon my mind this blog dwindled along with my will to live. A tad dramatic? perhaps but unless you have walked in my shoes it is hard to describe to you the debilitating effect that the ‘Black Dog’ has on a person’s mind once its teeth are set. Since that first blog my life has had so many ups and downs tis truly hard to recount all that has happened since. I tried at times to find solace in writing other blogs when my mood lifted for awhile, though I never seemed to be able to muster the commitment nor desire to persevere with them and they all fell aside to be forgotten along with many other things my troubled mind let go of.

     So why try again? Well that is a damned good question, even if I do say so myself. Firstly I enjoy writing, I guess it is partially wanting to connect & share and partially a form of escapism. I remember too the ‘buzz’ I used to get when receiving recognition for my words but this can be a poor addiction as I started writing for praise and not for just the way things were in my world. I guess it became a type of ‘fix’ against the effects of depression. Having said that I feel that at this moment in time I’m in a position to write honestly and not fall into the trap of seeking plaudits. This leads me to ‘secondly’ quite nicely, and that is after so many trials and tribulations over the last decade (that’s a long time to self loathe) I am in a far better place mentally. I am in a loving relationship with an amazing woman, I have a job that I enjoy totally and I have my ever  present sidekick Bramble Bear. The combination of these three have finally led me too a far better place in my head and I can finally look at myself and back on the past years without actually hating myself and feeling that the Black dog is around every corner. Yes, I’ am still on the happy pills and yes I still have dips but essentially I am in a far better place than I have been for many a year. 

     So what to expect in the scribing to follow? To be honest I am not entirely sure, but gardening will feature, Bramble’s tale will continue, I am sure coping with depression will raise its head and what ever else happens to take my fancy. So I hope that you will join me as my journey continues and hopefully I will raise a smile and give you something to think about over the coming posts.