Not of this time...

      For some strange reason I have had to ‘re-publish’ as it reverted itself back to ‘draft’?

     For many years I have found myself feeling ‘out of place’ in this world, or rather ‘out of time’ would be a more accurate statement of how the feeling manifested itself. I would find myself looking at historical events and previous time eras and feeling more of a connection with them than I felt with the era I find myself err, well stranded within seems as good as way of describing the sensations felt.

     I tried to sate this feeling some time ago by looking at historical re-enactment groups, such as Roman, Viking and World War groups with the view of joining one. But a couple of things put me off this idea, namely I don’t think that dressing up for a weekend in a muddy field splattered with cow dung is my idea of fun and also I don’t play nice with people in general, actually I don't play well with people full stop. So with re-enactment groups ruled out it seemed to me that was that, but, then again perhaps not. Now that I am over the initial shock and pain of snapping my clavicle I find that time, for once, is something that I have ample amounts of. Now I am still not considering of dressing up for weekends away in a muddy field, bonding with history nerds who would cast scorn upon my Roman fancy dress just because my gladius was one inch too long or that my toga was a shade too revealing (although that would cause some consternation in said muddy field m'thinks). But I have found myself once again considering ways of addressing this feeling of being 'out of time'.

     I think that part of the reason that I have this feeling is down to my upbringing, especially the parts where my father was involved. I have described him as being draconian in some of his perceptions and attitudes to modern day society and I can see now that this has most definitely rubbed off on my own social outlook. Another possible reason is that I am very intolerant of the majority of people and their lack of basic values such as honesty, respect for others, good manners etc. Another thing is that over the last six years or so, I have lived in two houses that were built in the Victorian era (including our present abode) both of which have retained some period features, our previous house had actually been redecorated by its previous owners very sympathetically to its victorian roots and was a joy to live in but it was just located in the wrong place. Living in these houses has given both of us an interest in the victorian era and we would dearly love to take our present abode back to its former glory although with a nod to some modern devices.

     For myself the above reasons have also led me into more than a passing interest in other aspects of the victorians, namely their feats of engineering, gardens and clothing. So whilst I have been passing time awaiting my bones to knit together I have begun exploring a tad more into the world of the victorians. A lot about that era has caught my imagination and I feel that out of all the periods of humankind it is here that I would have felt most at home. 

     But what to do? dressing up as a victorian gentleman for a weekend does not, I feel, quite cut it. Then again the dress styles, whether work clothing or posh stuff, from this era can be extremely smart, practical and damned comfortable. Another subject whilst looking at victorian clothing came up and that is 'steampunk', basically a style  inspired from victorians but with some twists added, covering aspects such as clothing, house decor etc. Examples of steampunk clothing may be found in many sci-fi  films such as Sherlock Holmes, The league of extraordinary gentlemen, Van Helsing, The golden compass, 20,000 leagues under the sea, The time machine etc....

       And yes dressed in this manner does not have to be for the weekend but can apply to all aspects of my life and I am certainly not one to follow the flock nor am I afraid to be different. As for work, I am my own boss (when G allows) and my work ethics can be described as my father's i.e. work hard, don't leave a task half done, complete it to the very best of one's ability, keep learning etc., in fact a tad victorian. I still retain my interest in engineering and love the living engines that are powered by steam, again something inspired and pursued by the victorians. My present career is as a gardener and the victorians also had a massive influence on planting and garden design found on these small isles, indeed when time and broken bones allow I am in the midst of constructing my own take upon a victorian walled garden for our own place of relaxation and peace.

     So I think to myself, why the hell not include some more victoriarner within my life and maybe, just maybe it will help ease the feeling that eats away at me on quite days that I am man out of time? Unfortunately this will take time, planning and money to perhaps fulfill this goal but hey nothing ventured nothing gained as they say (don't ask I still don't know who 'they' are!).  So watch this space and lets see if these small changes that are afoot ease an troubled man's already troubled mind.