Status

      Sitting here on the sofa feeling pretty much the lowest I have felt for some considerable time. Things have been a little fraught of late, and when I say of late it probably really means over the last year or so to be honest. There just doesn’t seem to be a time when I catch a break and that I am trapped in a vicious cycle of events that seem to conspire to drag me back to the abyss of the Black Dog. There have been so many things going on, one after another, in what feels like an endless stream of events determined to bring me down. I shall not be listing these events as many are personal to myself and G but suffice to say they are genuinely sapping the joy of life out of me and at this present moment in time it is very hard to see a way of breaking the cycle.

    I write these words not for sympathy, comments or even recognition but rather to just put some thoughts and a reference down on electronic paper in an effort to make sense of where I am at this moment in time and hopefully to document the process of change and possibly improvement that may be of some help in the future to others who also suffer with their mental health. To this end I am going to try and write at least weekly with the good, bad and to be honest the shite that is happening here in John’s world. 

     The actual effort to return here and re-open up this electronic diary in itself is actually a small step that has been extremely hard to take, but perhaps simply putting thoughts here for all and sundry to read maybe will be the start of something….probably not though.