My working week…

   

   

     Hello and belated happy new year to you all, now that’s out of the way onwards with more grumbling….

     My working week at the moment is Saturday to Thursday with the day of Friday being my ‘weekend’. There are, and have been for what seems an age, plans to change this pattern to enable me to take the more traditional two days off a week but circumstance and money (err the lack of) have conspired to thwart said plans, bugger.

     Tis been some years now since I took the leap of faith and left factory work after thirty odd years and plunged into the occupation of being a, ahem, professional gardener. One would have thought that it would have been a career of garden design, grooming lawns with nary a blade of grass out of place, the planting of exhilarating and jaw dropping planting schemes, the healthy joy of working outdoors daily in the wonderful British tempret weather and all many other wonderful  benefits a professional gardener reaps …. Errr hogwash, I’m afraid that the dream does not exactly meet the reality, well at least not in my experience that is.

     My first week of work thus began on Saturday the 10th day of the month of January of the year 2026 and went something like this….

Saturday the tenth day of January  Spent the majority of the day looking for my keys after ‘misplacing’ them the night before. Not a happy bunny as I’d lost them whilst doing some organising in the workshop the night before, meaning that I couldn’t lock up the workshop nor enter the house or move the van. Also meant G had to get a taxi from work as I had driven her in the morning due to the poor road conditions. Called an auto locksmith and was quoted £220.00 to replace one key for the van, hellfire I have not 22 pence in my pockets let alone this amount so renewed the search for the keys retreading my footsteps for the umpteenth time and finally when all hope was forsaken I found them poking up by the tip of the van key in a mound of melting snow by the bloody bird feeders, that’s the last time the feathered buggers get fed in my garden!

Sunday the eleventh day of Jan   Snow and ice was still laying around thickly so gardening was out. Within the depths of the Orcs Workshop there was a Wiebang professional lawnmower awaiting its roller drive to be reassembled. I’d been putting this job off for a couple of days because this mower, although quality, is over engineered somewhat and is a bit of a pain to work on. To be honest the reassembly went reasonably well though took more bloody time than expected due to a manufacturing ‘oversight’. I guess in an attempt to reduce weight (still one of the heaviest if not the heaviest mowers I’ve worked on) and reduce corrosion the main body, or deck, is cast from aluminium. The problem was that the retaining bolts for the drive assembly had stripped the softer aluminium threaded holes. I had to repair several mounting holes by drilling out, threading to fit a steel insert (a helicoil) that then accepted the original bolts, time consuming and easily avoided if the manufacturer had used steel inserts in the first place.. Once complete I tidied up the multitude of tools used in an attempt to try and keep the workshop organised. There are other machines awaiting my attention though I have limited funds to replace any parts that may be required so they will sit on the back burner until a pot of gold is dropped on to my lap. The last couple of hours were spent trying to source items from the workshop to sell upon the hated facebook marketplace, all I came up with was a vintage theodolite (gawd knows where I obtained that!) which is not going to make a dent upon my financial woes….bugger!

Monday the twelfth day of January   Ahhh the first chance of the year for gardening with the snow and ice melted away by a change of air direction with it now upcoming from the south. Not a bad few hours spent giving an out of control variegated privet a severe pruning and, using my recently acquired (still to be paid for) Chinese made shredder to reduce the branches to mulch which was spread generally upon a heavily shaded border. Yes I know that I am not a fan of Chinese built machinery but I acquired it for less than a quarter of its ‘new’ asking price and it’ll be paid by servicing a couple of machines for Dan the man, yep good old bartering is the way to go m’thinks. The remainder of the allotted time at this particular clients garden was spent potting up some plants and general pottering. I did manage to wrangle a Cardoon globe artichoke from said client that is probably destined for this coming Saturdays client, tis nice to spread plants around in this manner and this plant is a particular favourite of mine as when it reaches its full potential tis reminiscent of something from the Jurassic period and also bees adore the huge nectar laden flowers.

Tuesday the thirteenth day of January  Two days gardening on the trot, it seems that things are looking up…I wish! Today’s work was actually based in the village here and is one of my favourite gardens that I tend. Tis, along with Saturdays garden, the largest garden that I tend and is probably the most diverse and difficult at the same time. Unfortunately today was the start of an unexpected project that is definitely going to test my aging body. During the coarse of the last two or three years there has been a lot of building work done at the property including the excavation of several tons of a mixture of clay and stone with the stones varying in size from hand held pieces to pieces that a person is unable to budge without using heavy machinery. This conglomerate of materials has been dumped  strategically placed on a slope within a wooded part of the garden that to be honest was a right mess to begin with. The master plan was then for the builder to terrace said area using gabian baskets as supporting walls.  But, as in most things in life the best laid plans of mice and men tend to go awry and it has know fallen upon yours truly to ‘landscape’ said area, bringing forth from my lips a term that may be both descriptive and also expletive which was a favourite vocalisation of my late father’s…..Damn n blast was uttered and I’ll leave it to your interpretation as to how it was meant. So today was the start of this project and it basically consisted of myself (and only myself) leveraging large boulders down the slope to hopefully form the beginning of a barrier to prevent this monster creeping further into the woodland. It was wet, muddy and above all heavy work and I was bloody knackered by the end of the day but also there was within me a gentle buzzing of muscles well used and an inward glow of a sense of a good days work done.

Wednesday the fourteenth day of January  well just one word for today’s work….dito. Another day of muscle straining and man handling the surface debris of the conglomerate. I’m now beginning to view this slope as a living entity and have named it Quatermass after the early horror films and series. The bloody thing can be felt writhing under my heavy footfall and I’m sure that it has tripped me up or caused me to slide in a very undignified manner down its writhing back several times today. As well as the leveraging of debris down the slope I’ve also begun the task of using it to start mounding (in now way can it be classified as building) the retaining wall at the bottom edge of Quatermass. Hopefully next week’s visit will reveal no serious movement by Quatermass after so much surface disturbance, and the monster remains dormant. Oh and almost forgot to mention that I managed to break two garden rakes in these two days, ho hum as they say (re damn and blast).

Thursday the fifteenth day of January   Back to more mainstream gardening today thankfully as my aching body would scream aloud if I was to tackle the entity that is Quatermass today. Working today at one of my original clients. First job of the day was to but up a couple of solar powered security lights to ease access around the bungalow during these darker winter months. Following this it was actually gardening work with the winter pruning and mulching of branches. This Chinese chipping machine is really proving itself invaluable at the moment, time will tell if it is reliable in the long run. I spent a couple of hours in the evening tidying and making a start on the reorganisation of the workshop, when I say making a start I obviously mean drinking copious amounts of hot, sweet and black coffee and giving the workshop a damn good thinking to….

     And that’s it for this working week of a gardener. I hope this post has provided you with insight and that you have enjoyed visiting me at work.

Hidden danger…..

     Now there is a title that could be considered “click bait “ if ever I read one (or scribed one in this case), but it is relatively apt for this particular post of mine. 

    It was last year that I took my first tentative steps into changing my work model by staring to use my previous role as a factory engineer to tread into the world of servicing and the repair of garden machinery. The ultimate aim being to reduce the more physical gardening work that I undertake and replace it with another viable source of income. 

    Unfortunately I overlooked a major shortcoming of my workshop (yes one of many) and that is its thermal insulation properties or, truth to say, lack of any thermal insulation properties in the slightest. Over the winter I ended up feeling the greatest empathy with a brass monkey living in Antarctica without the means to reattach his external and now free rolling spherical items. So this year I determined that I would take steps to insulate the fridge workshop to prevent further frostbite to fingers and other extremities, I didn’t.

    That was until the last week or so when the temperature began to drop and my other brain cell (not the one I retain for movement) hazily recalled last year’s ‘blue period’. With time now against me to insulate the workshop, or tidy it, or organise it, or sort the electrics, or install a decent rock friendly music system or any of the other myriad of jobs on the bleedin’ to do list, I came up with a solution. After some serious and in depth research (watched a couple of You Tube videos) I have purchased myself one of those relatively cheap (though not in the slightest cheerful) Chinese diesel heaters that keep flashing up on my feeds at this time of year.

    Now I have had some experience with Chinese manufacturing over time, especially regarding the expansion into garden machinery that is now happening. This expansion is not just in the cheap brands that no one recognises but on top of the range brands such as Sthil and others. My own experiences have led me to avoid Chinese products as I would avoid a bubonic plague carrier who also had a limp, of course this is only my opinion. But all the myriad of videos (three, maybe four tops) that my in depth research comprised of swayed me to the idea of purchasing said heater. Cost, including running costs, being probably the main, ease of setup (I needed a heater quickly) and simplicity of the device being the factors that stood out.

    So the limping plague carrier arrived in a timely fashion and well packaged to boot. A young associate whom shall henceforth be known as “Dan the man” popped along for the afternoon’s entertainment of installing the heater and we quickly had the thing up and running. Tis noisier than anticipated but not too bad that it’ll disturb the ambiance of the workshop. There are a couple of modifications I would like to achieve with it, sturdier fuel pipe, better fuel filter and the ability to run it on used cooking oil. But these can wait until after I have trailed it for the winter and the temperature is such that I don’t require its services. 

    Now to the post title, the heater was indeed easier to install than anticipated with the most difficult part being exiting the exhaust pipe through the workshop wall. Not that difficult as I got Dan the man to make the wall more religious (holy? Oh never mind). After the initial fuel priming the heater started up with no fuss and churned out enough heat on its lower setting so happy days, or not. We hung around for some time chewing the cud whilst I finished off some miner machine jobs and that was it, job done. Next morning I felt rough, dizzy and decidedly “off”*. A thought kept nagging at my non movement dedicated brain cell so I popped into to workshop and investigated the heater with a little more caution than the gay abandon installation consisted of on the previous day. Sure enough I discovered a potentially fatal floor in the assembly of the heater, specifically the exhaust pipe connection to the machine. The exhaust pipe is a flimsy item and is secured to the exhaust outlet via a single jubilee clip, being flimsy the pipe had distorted a tad under connection but enough to allow some exhaust gases to escape into the workshop and not be completely expelled to the wild blue (well grey and overcast) yonder. In hindsight , and with my experience, I should have checked this on assembly but the connection point is a bloody pain in the arse to get to and also in the excitement of  imminent  heat I had put aside my usual caution and doubt about the manufacturing source of the heater.

    The issue was quickly resolved with the purchase of respected exhaust paste sealant and also that of a carbon monoxide monitor to be the safe side. 

    I can now report that the workshop is a tad warmer and fume free apart from engine start ups and testing. The real test for the heater will be when the temperature drops to brass monkey worrying levels but that’s for the future. I only write this post as a warning to folk, not about Chinese products, but rather there are certain things that should only be attempted by trained or skilled people. I consider myself as such a person but complacency could have resulted in much more harm than just feeling “off”. Carbon monoxide is a silent killer and care must taken when installing or using items that produce it, the same can be said for most of the machinery that I use or repair although I would not call a chainsaw a silent killer, more of a screaming “oh god, oh god its hurts and where’s all that blood coming from” type of killer.

Take care folks,

John

* Off… a feeling of illness that defies logical description (especially with a limited vocabulary such as mine)

It’s been awhile hasn’t it……

      Greetings people, apologies for the lack of communications of late but life has been a tad hectic to say the least. Finally found some time to write and breath a little, although this be the shortest of posts just to prove that I am alive and well (well as an rotund aging Welshman may be that is) and not serving time for some heinous crime.

     Short list of happenings of which I shall write/bemoan in more detail at a later date…

• Yep I do indeed have an enlarged prostrate although it is not cancerous by all accounts.
• Finally started work upon the small section of Offa’s Dyke (last week in fact)
• Garden business going well apart from the lack of any rainfall to speak of since March (although tis raining as my two chubby digits type out these words).
• Workshop business ticking over nicely though the workshop is still a right bloody mess.
• Actually started some jobs around the house making G a very happy bunny.

     Off to the very nice town of Shrewsbury on the morrow, yes I am actually taking time off (occasionally that be) for a wander and peruse around the shops and indoor market. So a typical “not a lot has changed” last few months though there have been one or two incidents that may well lighten future posts.

All the best for now…

Well knock me over and call me Susan….

     ….the response to my fledgling machine service and repair business has been a tad more overwhelming than anticipated, hence the lack of posting since “Back in the room”! With that and the weather allowing an upturn in the gardening side of things I have been running around like a headless chicken of late, a bloody cold headless chick at that, trying to keep on top of things and provide folk with a reliable and almost friendly service. I have to admit that although I have been as busy as feck I have yet to see much fruit in the form of profit from this new venture as I seem to be buying more and more tools for the business, some to replace stuff that’s not up to standard and others that I do not possess. Also I am finding that when ordering a service kit I am tending to order multiple so as to cut down on the turn around time for returning machinery. It is certainly a struggle to get my head around the demand and I am definitely learning to be far more organised, although not as well as I should be.

    In other news I have a doctor’s appointment in a couple or so weeks (must remember to check the date and time). I have, of late, been consumed with why the hell I can be so bleeding difficult to live with, making life for the lovely G somewhat of a struggle at times. I have had a tendency to blame my mental health, i.e. my depression but lately I starting thinking that perhaps that was taking an easy way out to explain some (if not a hell of a lot) of my behaviour. I shalt not go into detail at this point except to say that at least I am not a twat bad person, but sometimes I feel that G could merrily take a shotgun to my head causing death via much deserved (probably) lead poisoning.

     I read an article about ADHD within adults and it listed many of the telltale signs associated with it. I reckon that on that list of probably 25 to 30 markers I could happily associate with ninety per cent of them, mmmmm. Being the sceptical little bugger that I am I decided to research more sources of information and the penny began the droppeth, albeit with a very heavy thud. I talked to G about this and although she did not laugh there was a certain shine in eyes when she said that she had been thinking this for a very long time but was loath to mention it as I have a habit of brushing my health off and also blaming my depression. Soooo…we have arranged a visit to the doctor’s with the view of discussing the possibility of me having ADHD and being referred to the appropriate experts in the field.

    Funny enough the realisation that I may have ADHD has not have a negative effect on my state of mind , rather quite the opposite. For years I have blamed outside influences for some of my behavioural patterns. Whether it was the Black Dog of depression or the effects of my past life, but the fact that there may well be a reason for the way I am at times and that knowledge, instead of myself trying but unable to explain myself  has indeed given me a lift. Nothing is certain yet and we shall see where this journey may lead, but I am hopeful that better times are ahead.

Knackered be I ….

     I have been trying to post and reply to comments upon my previous post for a couple of days now but to no avail. Truth be told that the thawed white shite, er snow now means that I am now bloody knackered playing catch up with folks gardens, and by the time I’ve showered and eaten I am buggered if I can put my one typing finger to use! 

    So just to let you know good folk that all is well (apart from the knackered bit that is) I’m scribing these few lines and also have replied to said comments before I head up the wooden hills to bed shire. Speaking of comments, I also deleted my first spam comment, must be getting popular or something. Oh and quickly, I took delivery of my first lawnmower to be repaired in t’ workshop so things are slowly moving in that area.

   Right two percentage of power left on me iPad (much prefer me pc to be honest which is strange because I am not a very pc nor certainly not a woke type at all) one percent, bugger. Take care and I shall endeavour to provide a decent read over the next day two…or three..

John

Idle musings...

     Well all work 'til at least Tuesday has been cancelled for the moment as the ground is rock hard with the ice and snow showing not much sign of receding as of yet. Though surprisingly, although still bereft of finances, I am coping rather mentally well at the moment.

    Today I have given the workshop clearance a miss and spent a quiet yet productive day with my G. We have booked two weeks holiday down in Cornwall for my impending month of May 'big birthday', although gawd knows how we are going to pay for it if this monetary stagnation continues. I actually braved the torturous bathroom device to weigh myself and have unexpectedly lost five pounds in weight (have not got that amount in sterling pounds) in just under two weeks, even after our visit to the chippy yesterday (miracles can happen!). I tried in vain yesterday to find any books on Tai Chi in the library as I want to find something different than my physically challenging work to help with my bodies 'modification', so I guess I will have to search the rabbit's hole of You tube for some instructional videos, though I did come away with a rather hefty tomb of one hundred classic ghost stories and a book on the Viking history of Britain.

    I have even managed today to get around Facebook's marketplace way of stopping people advertising their services, such as my own machinery servicing and repair sideline, with a cunningly worded advert. I have to admit that more and more things seem turned against the small sole trader like myself. I cannot advertise my services upon Facebook. the council has banned sole traders (well any traders) from using refuse sites, it just feels like that there is no support for small businesses like my own whilst large conglomerates can reap as much as they want from the world. Apologies as I don't usually become 'political' but sometimes frustration at the status quo gets the better of me. Anyway, already today I have the promise of three lawnmowers coming to the workshop this week, though I do not count my chickens until they indeed arrive. It appears that all the effort of late clearing part of the workspace may well begin to payoff. Hopefully this will mark the start of the Orc's Workshop becoming a profitable source of income running alongside my gardening adventures. Keeping upon this theme I have a website that I originally setup for the gardening business though I have not kept up with it for some years now. I am considering revamping the website and use it to advertise the Orc's Workshop. The workshop, in the long run is not going to be solely dedicated to garden machinery maintenance but rather split between that and other projects such as wildlife home construction (bird boxes and the like), furniture and hand tool refurbishment/upcycling. Basically using my skill set to its full limits from my engineering skills to my artistic skills. Perhaps your thoughts upon this proposed venture would be appreciated?

    So tomorrow will be spent once again in the Arctic coldness of the workshop with even more of the hokey cokey of moving, sorting and organising the sodding mess that remains there. Oh and I dug out my old bridge camera today so hopefully (after I learn to use it again) I will be able to share some half decent pictures of my adventures with you. So for now stay warm folks.

John

Visitor from the past?...

     Well I must say that I am now finding this weather bloody tedious at the moment and it is causing me to struggle keeping positive somewhat. I mentioned in a previous post about my lack of finances after yule, a problem no doubt felt by many, but not actually being able to do something about it because of the weather and unable to see my out of this particular hole anytime soon is a bugger. I must admit to feeling that it would not take much for me to drop to the point where the Black Dog will begin gnawing upon the bones of my mind. I suppose one positive is that at the moment I am still aware of my state of mind and the cause of my gloom. It is when I become unconscious of my state of mind the issue becomes a very major thing.

    With these gloomy thoughts I headed up to the workshop to hopefully clear some more small space. I leave the door open when I am in residence at the moment, hopefully the view of the mounds of  "useful items" seen through the entrance, piled very high now as the nerve center (the bit where I sit, think and drink copious amounts of coffee) becomes more steadily more clear, will deter even the most determined thief from pilfering from me. I actually am beginning to think that said thieves may even take pity and start offering donations for the restoration of the Orc's Workshop, well a Welshman only can dream. There is another reason for leaving the door open though it alerts my neighbors that I am in residence and a couple of them do like to come over for a chat once in awhile, usually to escape from their wives I believe, so it is nice to provide a useful public service. Also as previously mentioned the workshop is in such a bloody cold hole at this time of year, I think that the open door may even make it warmer some strange and mystic way.

     As I dragged another box to be sorted the piping call of a Robin could be heard, looking up I espied him upon one of the roofs rafters. I am one that believes that Robins perhaps carry the soul of a loved one lost so I am always warmed to see one, especially when one is very near me. I moved over to one of the boxes of wild bird seed that I fill my feeders in the garden with and place a handful of seed on its lid. Literally the cheeky sod was on the box before I had taken two steps away and quite happily began feeding as if I was not there at all. The present spat of weather is obviously being hard on the wildlife as well as my mind. After a few moments watching him I returned to the box I had dragged out to sort to find it full of my father's old tools that had been there since I had cleared his shed out after his passing a few years ago. Normally the sight of them would bring me pangs of regret and sadness at his loss but as I bent over the box I looked up to see that the Robin had flitted to within a couple of feet and was regarding me with his bright eyes. Coincidence possibly, I honestly do not know and as we regarded each other I just felt good inside, I have no other words to describe it but just "good inside". Within a few heartbeats he returned to the box lid and I resumed my sorting but with perhaps the smallest spring in my step, make of this what you will but I have a feeling that not everything can be explained with logic nor with science.

Workshop visit 

     As for the workshop,  well at least one area is now clear enough for my to start actually being productive so after posting this I shall be advertising my garden machinery servicing and repair service upon Facebook market place. I am also going to sort out some of my timber this weekend, for pieces suitable  for the construction of bird boxes, starting with sparrow terraces, and general roosting boxes (both bird and bat) m'thinks. So at least I can now be occupied with that and hopefully the pennies will start coming in again.

Space to breathe at last

    Tomorrow be another day (obviously duh!) and G is off so I think a visit to the local fish & chip shop is in order and we can also spend time together planning the year ahead (she does like a list does G). Yes I know a visit to the chippy restaurant may not be the healthiest of options but I am not sacrificing small, once in awhile pleasures as these are the things that help life bearable at times. Also sitting in there people watching, especially in Wrexham, can sometimes be hilarious and also the majority of the clientele are of the blue rinse brigade and it is not often I can go somewhere this days and feel positively spritely.

til the next time be good or at least careful..

John

It is bloody cold...

     Well that is just bloody typical is it not?, I spend months, nay years moaning to clients, neighbors, Bramble in fact to anyone is foolish enough to get within hearing range of my perpetual whining, about how we are losing our seasons and that the effects upon gardening and indeed upon nature are becoming more and more serious. Then we get bloody snow....in Winter for Odin's sake! Not only do we have that one type of weather that really does stop my gardening business in its tracks, tonight's forecast is for minus (yes bloody minus) seven degrees Celsius, with more of the same until at least the weekend. Hellfire its just not bloody well right, not right at all. To tell truth I do welcome this cold snap and the return of a season to something like it should be, but there is the timing of it….just after Yule, when my finances resemble those of a church mouse that has just been robbed of all his cheese by a scrawny band of weasels and now has the curds and whey tax collector banging at his little arched doorway demanding his due! I know that the Northern gods are a cruel bunch of buggers at the best of times with little care for rotund gardeners, but it would have been nice to have a least a month of earning before they decided to bring back Winter, makes you wonder if the sods care at all.

    Faced with another day of trying to avoid working in my bitterly cold, un-heated, un-insulated and very drafty workshop, I despaired at my ill fortune. Another problem this brings is that I am trying to eat differently and also increase my physical activity in order to shed the odd pound (re stone) or two, and moping in the house does not aid either. So, rather grudgingly I trudged up the path to my workshop's entrance (my grand estate, ahem, lies betwixt two roads, with the driveway opening onto the smaller, never to be cleared by the council one) to observe that once again community spirit within the village has albeit died a grim death. The  majority of the residents along this road have managed to use just enough salt from the council’s “do it your bloody self” provided yellow receptacles to enable the release of just their own vehicle from the snows icy grip. Those who are not physically able to clear their own drives and the road adjacent are left to fend for themselves. With a shrug of my shoulders I pulled my wheelbarrow and shovel from the van and began my "every time it bloody snows routine" of  clearing and salting the areas along to road that have been left to the gods (have I mentioned about the Northern gods lack of care lately?) to hopefully make access easier for all. To be honest my next-door neighbor 'Baldey Man' is usually beside me at these times but he has only gone and damaged his back, there will be no sympathy from me I can tell you. Another neighbour , whom I hold in quiet disdain (long ish story) did actually come out after a while and offer to help but to be honest he was about as effective as a pair of breasts upon a mackerel. But all was not lost as at least I got a physical workout (very physical) and it kept me from snacking upon all that tastes soooo good, but then conspires to fatten me up ready to be a pagan sacrifice.

    After this I dragged myself back to the house for a protein biased meal (that does seem to fill me and lasts longer before my belly begins its hungry lies) and the obligatory cup of tea. Feeling sated I returned to the workshop and braved a couple of bitterly cold hours before having to pick up G from work. G is from that foreign land down south, Londinium I believe the soothsayers call it, and in her years of driving has not really encountered the white stuff and lacks a little confidence when it drops. Therefore tis my duty, nay honor to ferry her back and forth to work at these times (do not get me started on t'other drivers at this point). I did not achieve a great deal in this time, just more tiding, finding the majority of missing mower parts and I have stripped down the rear roller of said mower to try and find a reason for a drive bracket failing (the original reason that it turned up in the Orc's Workshop nay on two years ago).

    Unfortunately no fault with the internals of the roller could I discern, but at least it will be cleaned, degreased and put back together on my next venture into the freezer. And that is about it for this ramble, tis time to make myself a hot toddy for my sore throat (honestly?) and then head to the land of nod, I wonder if I shall dream tonight, probably of frostbite if I do. 

    'till the next time take care and be kind folk,

John

Rambling on...

     Funny things dreams are they not? Some people believe that they are omens for future happenings, others that they come from the past and some folk just do not give them a thought either way. For myself I tend to remain openminded, perhaps they are born from memories past or even that they may sometimes stem from things beyond our knowledge, so I treat them with some skepticism but do not entirely dismiss them. What has brought this line of thought to these pages? Well it is always been the case of the last decade or so that the festive season proves to a most difficult time for me mentally, with the threat of my depression swallowing my mind. This year though has been different in some ways, yes the feelings that feed my issues have been there once again but at night when I slumber dreams have come to me with an intensity that I have rarely known. The scenarios that these dreams bring to me are orientated around my father usually as the central character. There are many things in these dreams that have not rung true to actual life experience's involving the rest of my family, but my father's appearances in them are always true to how I remember him. I will not go into detail about my family and the reasons for myself gradually being ostracised from them in the years after my father's passing but these reasons account for a lot of my downward spiral at this supposedly festive tine of year. But the dreams with my father within seem to have steadied my mindset a tad and this year the mood has been a smidgen lighter m'thinks. Perhaps there is something in these dreams that is there trying to reach out and help me, maybe or it just may be coincidence I am truly not sure.

    Todays snow has but paid to any outdoorsy type activities and tomorrows hedge lowering looks like a no go as I write. I guess that tomorrow will mean a brass monkey day in the Orc's Workshop with me ruing once more not insulting the bloody cold hole that it is this time of year. I should not moan though (though moaning is my forte) as I have complained many times of the last couple of years that the seasons are all shot to hell with flora and fauna not knowing what season they are in. Tis actually nice to have a decent cold snap over winter and I hope that it continues for sometime.

    I did mention in my previous post that I would perchance be scribing about my garden, well with today allotted as a rare day off I was hoping that the three hundred canes would be implemented within my small plot but the snow up here has certainly put paid to that escapade and its subsequent lofty story telling of the reasons for them. Well you will just have to wait I am afraid, but, just as a taster warning it has something to do with feline miscreants.

    Well that's another musing that really does not gel, but at least it is keeping me writing here, which I do enjoy somewhat. But please don't tell anyone as I have my reputation to consider.

John

End of year….

    Well that's just about the end of another year and I cannot say that I am sorry to see the backside of it. It just seems to have been one of those periods of time when if it can go wrong it bloody well will do so (as have the years before it), whole heartedly arse and good riddance to it is what I say. Because I have only recently started to scribe once more on these hallowed pages the events of the last few years are not 'out there' and I don't think that I shall be trawling them up from the depths of time to recount them with you for the past is now done, the future lies ahead and the now is the important part m'thinks. If I do manage to continue scribing here I may well recount to you some of the events of the past for context to some of my tales, but we shall see.

    Tis a funny time of year this be, I am always very low at Christmas yet the few days betwixt Yule and the waxing of the New Year fill me with some hope that life will become easier but at the same time I still hear the Black Dog just whispering in my minds ear that it will never be plain sailing. Within these in-between days I have managed a couple of days of work, much to the protests of my back and knees and I am thinking that there is going to be plenty more of the same with the forecast of more stormy weather coming our way. Perhaps the northern gods have sent the storms as a reward for me not giving up as yet, or perhaps it is just global warming? Whichever it is I am grateful for the chance to earn some coppers for my purse, and I am thinking that Odin is perhaps keeping an eye out for me (well he is not likely to keep two out is he!)

    But there is indeed a decided difference to my mindset as I look to the coming year that is hard for me to put into words. But perhaps it is suffice to say that I feel within my not so youthful body, a yearning to make it better, happier and more piratey, gar. After all the Northern gods do not look fondly upon those who just lie down on life's road without a bloody good fight do they. 

    Oh and just a quick update on the Orc's Workshop, as well as some more tidying in the between days I have repaired and sold this heavy duty strimmer...

    And already have my next project on the bench, although this one is no quick fix as a total refurbishment and rebuilt is required and coupled with the fact that it was stripped to its present state at least two years ago so finding the parts and fitting them back into the puzzle should be fun, not....

    So finally it is just left for me to wish you all a New Year that smiles upon you and yours and grants you peace, health, happiness and the chance for a little piracy.

    Hopefully I will see you in the year ahead for more tall tales and unwarranted ramblings..

John

  

Oh the bloody shame of it….

     Hoping to have some respite from seasonal gluttony, my sloth like physical state induced by the usual non too healthy Christmas fare and descended relatives, I decided to take myself to the Orc’s Workshop this afternoon. This was in the forlorn hope of doing something productive and perhaps clearing my fuddled head. Unfortunately during the last few months I had taken to using the workshop as a sort of dumping ground for all manner of future projects. You see I have this addiction of ‘collecting’ items that I am sure will either come in useful, be restored for a handsome profit or just because they are nice and shiny. Surely there must be some sort medical help for such an horrendous affliction that leaves a man incapable of using his workshop for its intended purpose. Just think of the riches the scientist who came up with such a cure would be showered with, a Noble prize would be the very least of the honours bestowed upon her I am sure. And yes I did say ‘her’ for there is no possibility of a man coming up with the cure, it just goes so against the primitive man’s way of thinking I feel!

    Anyway I feel that we are losing the wind here and there is a need to get back on tac m’thinks. Opening the door to my refuge and place of deepest meditation I was confronted with this unholy and damn shameful site….

My head is bowed in shame…

    I consoled myself with the thought that at least I would not have allowed the inner sanctum (barely glimpsed on the left side of the above picture) to fall into such neglect and disarray. I mean it is the nucleus of my thinking (scheming), design (doodling), coffee imbibing, working of mechanical miracles (hitting lawnmowers with various hammers) and general brilliance (lots of swearing ). There is absolutely no way that I would disrespect the Norse gods and risk their wrath by dishonouring the inner sanctum of the Orc’s Workshop, absolutely no way at all….

Bugger..

    So it seems that my proposed birthplace of world trade domination is in a ….ahem…. a little bit of a state and is not really the place to work in comfort and in an organised manner. I thought of just retreating and closing the door behind me, perhaps hoping for an act of a certain Norse deity striking it down with his mighty hammer leaving me just to claim an exorbitant fee against the shysters from the dark shadows known as ‘insurance companies’. But then again the state of the workshop is completely down to my actions and the Norse Gods do not help those whom fail to help themselves. So rolling up my sleeves, figuratively so ‘cause without any source of heat the workshop is a bloody cold place this time of year, I cleared off the chair of meditation from its debris and set too making a plan of action. The full list that this induced is far too long for me to write here but it involves tidying and organisation (yes I know that’s bloody obvious), structural repairs, insulation (the walls are only a single course thick for Odin’s sake!), floor levelling, better workstations, improve the electrics and a friggen decent heat source.

    Oh and I did make a start upon tiding as at the very least I require a workbench on which to perform some minor miracles if the workshop is to progress…

And breathe..

    I have a sneaky feeling that the work ahead will not be without issues and certainly a lot of time will be spent moving stuff from one side of the workshop to the other for me to be able to facilitate (ooohh big word) the changing of the w’shop from its present state to a functioning area. I also know that my use of the Anglo Saxon language will give the w’shop’s air a lovely blue tint.

Til the next time stay safe and enjoy your life.

John t’ shamed

Scribing detritus, and the need for a spell checker....

    I am truly not sure what this post is going to be about but I thought that I would give my typing fingers (both of them) some exercise and see what scribing detritus I come up with. That and the fact that I am trying to contribute on a much more frequent basis here than the one post every couple of years or so. Oh and talking about scribing detritus does anyone of my very rare readers know how to get a spell check to work on blogger because I have not a bloody clue and my spelling can be rather entertianing at times to say the least!  

    I seem to never fully get a grip on the things that trigger my depression, the triggers can be the smallest of things to something quite dramatic. I never know what will set my mindset spinning downwards in an uncontrolable descent to the dark places, sometimes a memory from the past, a seemingly trivel event in my daily routine or a combination of bad weather and/or injury that prevents me earning my pittance of a wage gardening are a few of a million and one things that can call the Black Dog back into my mind. But, I have to be thankful for the brighter lights in my life that draw me out of the dark places I so often find myself blindly wandering within. These include my incredable partner G, without whose support I know for certian that I would be long gone from this mortal coil, Bramble the aging pain in the arse spaniel that makes me smile inwardly everday and the fact that I do earn a pittance of a wage gardening which is a far cry from the life of a factory grease monkey. So yes, there are still bad times but they are slowly becoming outwieghed by the good times which is a marked improvement from my life a few years go when the good days were so very few and far between.

    Speaking of work, tis been a little full on this week after the storm that swept over the land t'other day. From felled trees to damaged fencing and flooded borders to mountians of debris to be cleared from folks gardens. Not my usual line of gardening but enjoyable all the same, the shear physicality of the work is very energising to say the least. Though I have to admit to aching in parts of my rotund body that I did not even know existed! I hit an age milestone next year and I really do need to think about reducing the heavy work load, such as slabbing, major earthworks, laying raised beds with oak sleepers etc. Since snapping my coller bone G has been on at me (in a good way) to look at ways to still provide an income but without killing myself slowly with the heavy grafting side of my work. She has a point, I have to grudgingly (now that doest not look like it spelt right at all) have to admit. But a problem that I have is my mind, it has all these wonderful ideas that I could turn my hand to, all revolving working in the Orc's workshop but trying to find the mental energy to actually clear out and organise the workshop into a functoning area always seems to elude me. It is as if my head does not want to let me make those first steps into making more changes within my life.

    Having said this though I think that I had what might be called an epithany today. I was working (yes I work Sundays as well as every other day ending in the letter Y) at a lovely client's garden today when good fortune smiled upon me in the way somebody would say "come to the darkside, we have cookies". The client in question has a daughter whom has her own share of mental issues which gives us some common ground on which to converse, with me trying to help by being positive and offering advice based upon my own experiances with depression. So today Lauren (the daughter) was showing me a Christmas wreath that she had made and was wondering if people would be interested in purchasing such things. Oh I should explain that Lauren is a talented artist but because of her 'mindset' she has no confidance in herself as regards to building a portfolio or business through her art. So, anyway we looking at this wreath and personally I think that there is definitly a market for this, er more bespoke type of decoration....

Credit Lauren Jane Williams

    Tis not the best photograph but it does give some idea of the wreath. It is made from natural materials with no wire, paints etc and I absolutely love it. Whilst we were talking about possibilities it was mentioned that what was partly stopping her was the state of her workshop/garage. Now we are back off the tangent and closer to the point, so I was asked if I could take a look at the workspace and perhaps offer some advice. I smiled inwardly at this knowing the shocking state of my own workshop but hey ho I have never been one to turn his nose up at the chance of exploring the site of possible hidden treasures. I have to admit that when the door of the workshop was raised my jaw bounced off the floor, it actually made the Orc's Workshop look like a clinical laboratry that had just had all its equipment removed and then given a deep clean. Once I got my head around the sight I managed to climb my way in and took stock. Now I am not an art expert, actually I do not understand the concept of it at all. I personally think that most art is akin to the Emporer's new clothes in that if art critics say it is wonderful than it must be so. But how the bloody hell can a banana duct taped to a wall be art and actually sell for millions of pounds? it makes absolutly no sense whats so ever to me. Give me a a good picture, preferbly of a stormy seascape and that is what I call art. Anyway back to the pit of despair (workshop), it was filled with old furniture left there for years by a relation who has resided in the Americas for the last centuary or so but the main bulk is Laurens old art projects that have been left in this dark place forgotten except to the hords of rodents that now call it home. Like I said I am not an art person to say the least but I really could not get my head around it, perthaps because so much was piled upon itself and that time and rodents had obvously had a hand in its ruination. Actually there was one piece that caught my eye, and I can only describe it as the perfect breast in size, shape and nipple ratio ahem I digress. But then something did catch my eye under all the ruination (at last I hear you wail), the merest glimpse of red metal. There, in its resting place since been driven into the garage probably over twenty years ago was a Westwood ride on lawnmower complete with all accessories. Further frantic rummaging uncovered a rotavator, petrol 20 inch cut lawnmower and a set of long reach hedgecutters with perhaps more still to uncover. I must say I nearly peed m'self with excitment. Turns out all the equipment was left there after the client's ex-husband just got up and left one day with no ryhme nor reason that they could fathom.

    So the upshot of this meandering dialogue is that I have been commissioned (sounds better than asked) to help clear and organise the workshop. This involves skipping what requires skipping, helping to sell the furniture, organising and repairing the workspace and moving the rodents to pastures new. In return I will be in possession of said gardening equipment (and hopefully the piece of art that I have now entitled 'non-grease nipple and support') which finally brings me to my own point and the fact that in the New year I shall have all this machinery to restore meaning that I shall need a workspace. Aha the penny droppeth and now you finally see where I am going with this. The Orc's Workshop must be a functioning workshop early next year and I now have the incentive to make it so. 

    With this renewed zeal to get the workshop ship shape I can then turn my thoughts to making the Orc's Workshop a place to forge profitable new ideas which in turn hopefully allow me to take the back breaking side of my gardening work out of the equation. Having said this also today I have just taken on a work commision do lower about one hundred feet of leylandi hedging from around twenty feet high to around ten feet high, oh and the hedge is about 10 to 12 feet wide, at the same time hard pruning several massive, and I mean really big Rhoddendron shrubs that must be several decades old judging by their massive limbs in the New year. Ah well I guess my poor back will just have to cope for a tad while longer.

    And with that I shall end this rambling and wish you all good health,

    'till the next time, John the Gardener