My working week…

   

   

     Hello and belated happy new year to you all, now that’s out of the way onwards with more grumbling….

     My working week at the moment is Saturday to Thursday with the day of Friday being my ‘weekend’. There are, and have been for what seems an age, plans to change this pattern to enable me to take the more traditional two days off a week but circumstance and money (err the lack of) have conspired to thwart said plans, bugger.

     Tis been some years now since I took the leap of faith and left factory work after thirty odd years and plunged into the occupation of being a, ahem, professional gardener. One would have thought that it would have been a career of garden design, grooming lawns with nary a blade of grass out of place, the planting of exhilarating and jaw dropping planting schemes, the healthy joy of working outdoors daily in the wonderful British tempret weather and all many other wonderful  benefits a professional gardener reaps …. Errr hogwash, I’m afraid that the dream does not exactly meet the reality, well at least not in my experience that is.

     My first week of work thus began on Saturday the 10th day of the month of January of the year 2026 and went something like this….

Saturday the tenth day of January  Spent the majority of the day looking for my keys after ‘misplacing’ them the night before. Not a happy bunny as I’d lost them whilst doing some organising in the workshop the night before, meaning that I couldn’t lock up the workshop nor enter the house or move the van. Also meant G had to get a taxi from work as I had driven her in the morning due to the poor road conditions. Called an auto locksmith and was quoted £220.00 to replace one key for the van, hellfire I have not 22 pence in my pockets let alone this amount so renewed the search for the keys retreading my footsteps for the umpteenth time and finally when all hope was forsaken I found them poking up by the tip of the van key in a mound of melting snow by the bloody bird feeders, that’s the last time the feathered buggers get fed in my garden!

Sunday the eleventh day of Jan   Snow and ice was still laying around thickly so gardening was out. Within the depths of the Orcs Workshop there was a Wiebang professional lawnmower awaiting its roller drive to be reassembled. I’d been putting this job off for a couple of days because this mower, although quality, is over engineered somewhat and is a bit of a pain to work on. To be honest the reassembly went reasonably well though took more bloody time than expected due to a manufacturing ‘oversight’. I guess in an attempt to reduce weight (still one of the heaviest if not the heaviest mowers I’ve worked on) and reduce corrosion the main body, or deck, is cast from aluminium. The problem was that the retaining bolts for the drive assembly had stripped the softer aluminium threaded holes. I had to repair several mounting holes by drilling out, threading to fit a steel insert (a helicoil) that then accepted the original bolts, time consuming and easily avoided if the manufacturer had used steel inserts in the first place.. Once complete I tidied up the multitude of tools used in an attempt to try and keep the workshop organised. There are other machines awaiting my attention though I have limited funds to replace any parts that may be required so they will sit on the back burner until a pot of gold is dropped on to my lap. The last couple of hours were spent trying to source items from the workshop to sell upon the hated facebook marketplace, all I came up with was a vintage theodolite (gawd knows where I obtained that!) which is not going to make a dent upon my financial woes….bugger!

Monday the twelfth day of January   Ahhh the first chance of the year for gardening with the snow and ice melted away by a change of air direction with it now upcoming from the south. Not a bad few hours spent giving an out of control variegated privet a severe pruning and, using my recently acquired (still to be paid for) Chinese made shredder to reduce the branches to mulch which was spread generally upon a heavily shaded border. Yes I know that I am not a fan of Chinese built machinery but I acquired it for less than a quarter of its ‘new’ asking price and it’ll be paid by servicing a couple of machines for Dan the man, yep good old bartering is the way to go m’thinks. The remainder of the allotted time at this particular clients garden was spent potting up some plants and general pottering. I did manage to wrangle a Cardoon globe artichoke from said client that is probably destined for this coming Saturdays client, tis nice to spread plants around in this manner and this plant is a particular favourite of mine as when it reaches its full potential tis reminiscent of something from the Jurassic period and also bees adore the huge nectar laden flowers.

Tuesday the thirteenth day of January  Two days gardening on the trot, it seems that things are looking up…I wish! Today’s work was actually based in the village here and is one of my favourite gardens that I tend. Tis, along with Saturdays garden, the largest garden that I tend and is probably the most diverse and difficult at the same time. Unfortunately today was the start of an unexpected project that is definitely going to test my aging body. During the coarse of the last two or three years there has been a lot of building work done at the property including the excavation of several tons of a mixture of clay and stone with the stones varying in size from hand held pieces to pieces that a person is unable to budge without using heavy machinery. This conglomerate of materials has been dumped  strategically placed on a slope within a wooded part of the garden that to be honest was a right mess to begin with. The master plan was then for the builder to terrace said area using gabian baskets as supporting walls.  But, as in most things in life the best laid plans of mice and men tend to go awry and it has know fallen upon yours truly to ‘landscape’ said area, bringing forth from my lips a term that may be both descriptive and also expletive which was a favourite vocalisation of my late father’s…..Damn n blast was uttered and I’ll leave it to your interpretation as to how it was meant. So today was the start of this project and it basically consisted of myself (and only myself) leveraging large boulders down the slope to hopefully form the beginning of a barrier to prevent this monster creeping further into the woodland. It was wet, muddy and above all heavy work and I was bloody knackered by the end of the day but also there was within me a gentle buzzing of muscles well used and an inward glow of a sense of a good days work done.

Wednesday the fourteenth day of January  well just one word for today’s work….dito. Another day of muscle straining and man handling the surface debris of the conglomerate. I’m now beginning to view this slope as a living entity and have named it Quatermass after the early horror films and series. The bloody thing can be felt writhing under my heavy footfall and I’m sure that it has tripped me up or caused me to slide in a very undignified manner down its writhing back several times today. As well as the leveraging of debris down the slope I’ve also begun the task of using it to start mounding (in now way can it be classified as building) the retaining wall at the bottom edge of Quatermass. Hopefully next week’s visit will reveal no serious movement by Quatermass after so much surface disturbance, and the monster remains dormant. Oh and almost forgot to mention that I managed to break two garden rakes in these two days, ho hum as they say (re damn and blast).

Thursday the fifteenth day of January   Back to more mainstream gardening today thankfully as my aching body would scream aloud if I was to tackle the entity that is Quatermass today. Working today at one of my original clients. First job of the day was to but up a couple of solar powered security lights to ease access around the bungalow during these darker winter months. Following this it was actually gardening work with the winter pruning and mulching of branches. This Chinese chipping machine is really proving itself invaluable at the moment, time will tell if it is reliable in the long run. I spent a couple of hours in the evening tidying and making a start on the reorganisation of the workshop, when I say making a start I obviously mean drinking copious amounts of hot, sweet and black coffee and giving the workshop a damn good thinking to….

     And that’s it for this working week of a gardener. I hope this post has provided you with insight and that you have enjoyed visiting me at work.